My life is in a state of transition.
From a legal adult to an actual Adult!
There are so many things to plan and prepare for.
As I said before we recently rented a house together. So far it has been wonderful! Yet there are so many things that go along with a house (renting or owning) that I wasn’t prepared for! There is so much that needs to be done, and there never seems to be enough time in the day or energy necessary to get these things done!
We have been in the house for about two weeks now, and I still have not completely unpacked everything. Our new carpet for the downstairs will be in sometime next week, and I have to clean out the downstairs living room to prepare, as well as sort through the items left over by the homeowner to decide if it is something we want to utilize or not. Then we have to seal the tile flooring due to the asbestos prior to putting in the carpet. I also have to go through all of the homeowners items in the spare bedroom to decide what I want to use and what I need to box up. All of this on top of the day-to-day cleaning and cooking.
The boyfriend has been so wonderful about allowing me to relax when I get home from work, and I truly enjoy it because I am so tired. But I feel so lazy because I know how much work there is to be done, and to pile it up for the weekends just seems overwhelming! I am so lucky to have a family that is so willing to lend a hand. I know that I can count on my mother to help me with the organizing and such. She has been such a big help thus far.
As I said before, I am also trying to schedule showings for my apartment, and finding time for that has been hard. I am hoping to have the apartment filled as soon as possible. There have been a few promising showings but none have submitted an application yet. Again, I will just have to keep making time for it until it gets leased. I cannot afford to continue paying rent at that apartment and this house as well. Not that I am paying for all the rent at this apartment, the boyfriend of course is helping with that.
The boyfriend once said that upon moving in together, we will be engaged. That hasn’t happened yet. His sister’s fiance finally was able to come up from Mexico on a fiance visa. Their baby was born a couple of weeks later! One of the top 4 cutest babies in the world! The first of course is my son, but I am a little biased. The other two are my other niece and nephew! These three are all tied for second place! So they have 90 days from the day he arrived in the U.S. to get married! We plan on waiting until after that to get engaged. He mentioned something about a combined Christmas gift, which I obviously thought was one thing, turns out it is something completely and entirely different from the realm I was thinking. Needless to say, I was a little disappointed. I brought it up to him, and he is aware that this is something that is important to me. He refuses to say anything but “soon”. Which is fine, I understand that this is his territory and I should not pester him with the details of when or where. I know this is something that he wants to be a surprise, and don’t get me wrong, I do as well. So once again, I need to focus on being patient and being happy with where things are and not looking to what is to come and when that may be. It is almost like those people who try to predict the end of the world and worrying so much about that, that they forget to live for today.
He had a very touching moment and a milestone with my son the other day, I had just gotten home from work not that long before and I was in the other room doing something. My son, out of the blue, came upstairs to tell the boyfriend that he loved him. I have been told this many-a-time by my son that he loves the boyfriend, but this is the first time that my son had taken it upon himself to go tell the boyfriend to his face. The boyfriend was telling me about it, and had said to me that it really meant a lot to him to hear that from my son. We will be a family someday and it makes me so happy to see that my son is so fond of the man who will one day be my husband and his father-figure.
The boyfriend has already mentioned that in due time, he would like to adopt my son. Of course, he wants to wait until my son is old enough to understand what that means and for him to be okay with it. You see, as of right now, my son doesn’t want a “daddy”, because all he has known of a “daddy” is that they leave and they don’t come back. It boggles my mind that a little boy of his age has grasped that concept already. It also makes me incredibly sad that a little boy of his age can grasp that concept and develop that fear that someone you care about could just walk out of your life and never be seen again. Which is why I am so glad that my son has become so close to the boyfriend. It gives me hope that he will heal, and he will see that not everybody leaves. That those who truly care and love you will stick around. That is what family is. It is not always about the blood that is in your veins, it is about the love that is shared.
It dawned on me this morning that my little man will soon be 5 years old. I was blown away by that realization. We have gone through so much. I have gotten to watch him grow and change and develop into the boy he is now. I have also grown and changed and developed so much in those 5 years. I am such a different person than I was 5 years ago. It is strange to look back on my life then. I was so young and stupid and careless and reckless, it is so overwhelming to realize how one decision can change the course of your whole life and help you to become the type of person you were meant to be. I cannot even fathom who I would have become if I didn’t have that little boy in my life, nor do I even want to. I am so grateful that I have him in my life. I didn’t know what it meant to truly love someone until I held that little boy in my arms. It opened up a whole new world to me. He has changed me for the better and I love him more everyday because of it! 5 years old… I can hardly believe it.
Where does the time go? It is so easy to get wrapped up in the stresses of everyday life, worrying, planning, organizing, strategizing, that we miss the important things in life that are right in front of our faces. We blink, and that tiny baby we held is suddenly a child. We take our noses out of our world for just a second and realize that the child is now a young man. We turn around and that young man has turned into a teenager. It is so easy to get lost in our own minds and not see what is going on around us. I strive to spend time with my little boy everyday, to cuddle and tickle, and have nose fights and butterfly kisses, and say “I love you” a million times, because someday far too soon, those moments will come few and far between. Someday the mommy he just can’t get enough of will be so annoying he will do whatever he can to get away from me. Someday those million “I love you”s will become the misunderstood “I hate you”. To revel in all the hugs and cuddles until I become too embarrassing to be seen with him. Just a few moments to connect with him a day, until all I get is a passing shadow of a teenager. Someday… but today is not that day. Today, I can still cuddle and tickle, and do nose fights and butterfly kisses.
So much. I am more than a legal adult. I am finally an Adult!
weavingwoman 